The talk went well. There was a lot of silence, but I think Volleyball K just needed time to think and stuff. I explained what I was thinking- that our personalities are so unbalanced especially in the roles we have as the guy and the girl in a relationship.

I thought he would be visibly upset, but he wasn’t. And he actually was relieved and wanted to talk about random stuff after we came to an agreement about what to do. We’re going to prom together which is great. And it was something that he wanted to do too so at least we’re on the same page about something.

Afterward, I met with Muscle N downtown. We got Jamba Juice and then walked to the Riverwalk, sat at the Ampitheater and watched kids run around. I can’t say the conversation was super flowy, but it was a really nice day and we just enjoyed the weather. Since it was his birthday, I wanted to take him to the cupcake place because he doesn’t like making a big deal out of it. But it just so happened that the store is closed on Mondays. Totally unforeseen and kind of embarrassing… we walked to the sweets shop and I asked him what his favorite candy was, but he said he didn’t have one. But he suggested that we go to Barnes & Noble. So we went and got a bunch of photography magazines and sat in the upstairs cafe part and just read. He had this car magazine and was grinning like a little boy because he was so giddy about it. Hahaha, it was cute. He showed me this Ferrari that had very an very efficient airflow that cooled the engine and helped make it more aerodynamic at the same time.

Muscle N sat with his back toward the window and the sun was just in the right position where the light was being diffused by him. It shone on me and made him look like he had a halo. His sister called and at first he didn’t mention who he was with, but then he said it hesitantly, and formally even though she definitely knows who I am. I don’t know if that was weird or whatever… maybe he is in the same state I am in, not really knowing what is going on, feeling slightly weird about our age difference and unsure what is going to happen.

I think the weirdest thing is that he wanted to hear about Volleyball K, and even about our talk too. If I were interested in someone, I wouldn’t want to talk to him about my boy problems. He mentioned his ex-girlfriend and some other potentials that didn’t come to fruition while he was in college too.

Mom and Dad went to the restaurant for dinner using the coupon I got at the senior party. I’m so glad I was able to give them something for their 20th anniversary. =)

At around 2:30 am R woke me up and told me that we were leaving to drive to Minnesota. But I lounged in bed and totally thought I dreamt it all up, until she came in again and yelled at me for not getting up. This was all before my alarm that was set for 3:00 went off. She is totally insane!

We drove and drove and drove, then figured out that I had clicked on a random link in google maps and the directions we had didn’t even go to the University of Minnesota. Blah. So I called the office and set up a visit and stuff and got directions from them. We got there and had a pretty good visit. Mom and Dad went with the official tour and I met up with a friend who showed me around and stuff.

We got super lost when we were trying to get to Cello C’s house and we all got super frustrated, but we finally made it. I was so happy to see her! We chilled, had some tea and pineapple and then she drove R and I to a small strip of shops in Wayzata by the lake and we just had a cool time walking around. Dinner back at her house (her mom made beef noodles) and then her mom drove us to a shopping mall because R wanted to go shopping and “take advantage of the 0% tax on clothes.” Oh so exhausting. Cello C and I actually didn’t want to shop, so we ended up not really doing anything except buying a strip of chocolate-covered bacon and splitting it. It was kind of gross. The fibers in the bacon definitely made it so much more weird to eat. Ugh.

We stayed the night. Cello C and I were up talking to people online, and then we talked for a bit before we both fell asleep. She woke up for school the next morning and I got up in time to see her off. I left a note and addressed the two envelopes to Clingy F so she wouldn’t forget to send him the laminated pictures.

Drove and drove and drove. Dad let me drive for 3 hours. And driving the van is definitely not as difficult as I thought it would be. It’s just bigger and clunkier than the small car. We had lunch at a local Italian place that had HUGE portions. I couldn’t help but think about “Kitchen Nightmares” and how gross a lot of places were before Gordon Ramsey changed things. These two waitresses were cleaning dust off of a ceiling fan while we were eating.

Drove and drove and drove some more. We got back to town around 5 pm and then went to grandma’s house for dinner. I fell asleep afterward and then we went home. Muscle N called me and we made plans to take night pictures in the city. Then Complicated V and Foodie A called me because they were at Gangly J’s surprise birthday party and missed me. =)

I also got the email from Tufts about my acceptance. So now it’s 6 for 7. I have a pretty good track record. But I am so antsy waiting for 4 pm when Yale and Harvard decisions come out. Ugh! I know I shouldn’t get my hopes up to expect anything from those two schools. But I really want the door to Yale to be open. I just found out that my cousin is going to the University of New Haven for the forensic science grad program. Muscle N is moving there for his job too… so it would be great if I could be there.

I guess we’ll see what happens though. LORD, give me patience and acceptance of whatever comes out today. Amen.

I got into Wheaton, Northwestern and Carnegie Mellon for psychology this week. No music school for me though, didn’t get accepted to Rice or CMU’s music school. That’s ok though. I really feel good about how God is using this to guide me to where He wants me to go.

In other areas though, I had a talk with Volleyball K last week and told him I didn’t like him the same way he liked me anymore. We’re supposed to talk tomorrow. I still need to call him to see if he’s ready to meet up.

But the weird thing is, I knew there was something wrong with my quasi-relationship with Volleyball K, but I was wishy-washy about what I should do about it. For a while, I convinced myself that I just needed to be softer, more open and submissive and sensitive to him. Until I went to Chicago with Muscle N, where he was asking about whether I was going to “break up” with him before college.

He’s said before that I am his “favorite high schooler” and that he is “very protective” of me. And when we were in the city, he half-joked about using the $80 credit (that he got at J.Crew from returning some shirts that his brother gave to him) to buy me something. I told him that it was a gift from his brother. On the escalator he checked to see if I had my ears pierced. He initiated that he wanted to hang out over spring break- once for nighttime shooting and then something else. I mentioned that I had tickets to Hollywood Palms and asked if he wanted to see that movie he wanted to watch (Out of My League) and he said he didn’t feel comfortable seeing that with a “younger friend.” What does that mean? I get it, I am 6 years younger than him, and that movie would be kind of weird even to watch with a guy friend.

Yesterday, he brought a bag of cookies for me from the batch he baked during the week and wanted to hang out after he had worship practice for Sunday. But I had to leave to go home, so that didn’t really work out. Not to mention, R was with me. Today, a bunch of people decided to go to Chipotle after prayer meeting and I wanted to go with, but he didn’t know that I didn’t have a car so he left with a bunch of Wheaton students. But I got a ride with another guy in the college & career group. I had a good time, talking with a bunch of college kids that were still here on spring break. After a bunch of them left, he came and sat and chatted with me, Foodie A, Sporty M and a bunch of other high schoolers.

We all went to AWong’s house because the guys wanted to play Halo, but the XBoxes didn’t show up until way later. Foodie A and I left early and just went to her house to chill and talk and stuff. R and I had dinner at her place and then she watched “Pride & Prejudice” with Outgoing E. Muscle N came over along with Skinny J and and his brother. Complicated V showed up later.

I got home, talked with Mom and Dad about Volleyball K and they totally see where I’m coming from which is good. And it was fun to see a banter between them when they were trying to share how their personalities and dominance worked in their marriage. Haha! Then Muscle N called and then I talked about the whole thing with Volleyball K with him. Is that weird? That I’m talking about boy issues with someone that I like? We were on the phone for about an hour which was cool. He was driving home from Foodie A’s house. Tomorrow is his birthday, and I think we’re going to hang out.

Volleyball K and I are having our talk tomorrow too in the early afternoon. I hope that goes well.

Carnegie Mellon’s Music School decided not to offer me admission either. I’m not so sure I want to go there for something else even though I also applied to their College of Humanities & Social Science. Oh bummer, no music school for me. =(

Lord, give me patience and tact and truth. A dose of reality would be nice too.

So I got a letter back from the Shepherd School at Rice today. “We are unable to offer you a personal interview, nor admission, at this time.”

Sucks. But I guess I know God is closing that door. I would rather be somewhere He wants me to be than choose for myself. That is what I need to hold on to.

So P. Ben and A welcomed their son to the world yesterday!! Emmaus Jowe Tzeng. Praise God!

Ok so… I definitely lied about catching up on blogging after Winter Break started. *sigh* So much has happened, I don’t really know where to begin.

Well, I got straight A’s in school so that’s good. Finals weren’t really that stressful.

Christmas and New Year’s was amazing because a bunch of family came to visit. I had a ton of fun with everyone and especially meeting a soon-to-be new family member, BH. =) I can’t wait for the wedding in July!!

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I’m visiting CMU for a music interview at the end of this month. I’m excited especially because it means that my portfolio is legit enough to get a chance to do this interview! =)

And I caught up with IH a bit last weekend when we talked on the phone for like 2 hours. She’s in a relationship with this guy at her school. He’s nice to her- when she was home after getting her wisdom teeth out, he made her chocolates in the shape of penguins. So much work and energy. Very nice…

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I think God wants me to learn about submission this year. I mean, I already knew from before that I need more softness and flexibility when I’m interacting with other people, but everything that happened at the beginning of January definitely showed me why. Instead of blowing up and making things worse, I should have just backed down. And it’s not even that the argument/debate was the first time it happened with JM. We disagree on a lot of issues, but in the end, he is older and deserves my respect.

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I love how close Complicated V and Foodie A are now. I mean, it wasn’t even like this last year, but definitely during first semester, we’ve been relying on each other more and talking more. It’s great! I’ve seen them all four days this long weekend. =) On Friday, they picked me up from school and we went out for lunch at Chipotle and then dropped off Skinny J and Gangly J. We went to Complicated V’s house and then the two of us ended up taking a 1.5 hour nap while Foodie A was talking to Complicated V’s turnabout date and Mellow E. Then I went to Foodie A’s house to give her the pictures I took of her portfolio pieces. And THEN, I went to a birthday party which was ok, it was pretty low key. We watched the first Harry Potter movie and ate and did birthday cake and stuff.

On Saturday, mom was angry at R so I had to get out of the house. I went to Volleyball K’s house and did stuff with the collage with him since the play got sold out. That was interesting. It wasn’t as fun as I thought it would be. I dunno. But he asked for a hug when I left, and I gave him one, but I felt like I was just humoring him. =\

Today, I went to Submissive G’s house at like 7:30 in the morning, had breakfast and jammed with her on her new guitar- learned some drums. Pretty cool. She gave me a trim, but mom couldn’t even tell when I got home. Oh, and of course, she insisted that she pluck my eyebrows for me which HURTS LIKE HECK. Aiyah. I told her that society imposed the general rule (that girls have to pluck their eyebrows and shave in order to be well-kept) on us and she just shrugged and said the rule was imposed. I like the feeling after I shave, but it’s so annoying.

Volleyball K picked me and Foodie A up for lunch. We were late meeting Complicated V and her turnabout date at Panera, but it was ok. It was fun. We saw the noon showing of Avatar 3D which was really good! I liked it a lot. The graphics were awesome, and the Na’vi were pretty cool. Then we went to Oberweis afterward and had ice cream/played chess. Volleyball K came in for R’s creme brulee and then tea while having an conversation with mom. That was kind of awkward. I didn’t really know what to do.

After Volleyball K overreacted when I didn’t get back to him about lunch that one time, I definitely pushed it too far and brought it up as complaints and whines to Foodie A and Complicated V and Submissive G. Ugh. But now that I think about it, I think it’s just that I’m afraid. I have no idea what I’m doing. How am I supposed to act around him? And our limbo status doesn’t really help that either. Sometimes I feel like I just need to stop being with him and be alone. I feel like I’m leading him on- but then then I feel good about everything again. What the heck is this? Lately I guess I’ve been seeing a lot of things about him that I don’t like or I don’t know what to decide to think. I find guys who play instruments very attractive, but he doesn’t really do that. The way he dresses himself is average, not put-together and “classy” like BH. I guess ever since I saw EC and BH together, I’ve used them as a ruler. They are so good for each other.

Do I just like the chase? And now that he’s “mine,” I’m done? Even thinking about that being maybe true disappoints me. Am I really that kind of girl?

Got into U of I for psychology. =)

These past weeks have been insane…after I’m done with finals a week from now, I will try to update on everything. Promise.

I got into U of Minn! and into their Honors Program. =)

So my composition portfolio has seen a turn for the better. I decided that I’m going to use a piece for trumpet with piano accompaniment as the second composition in my portfolio. It’s short, but it sounds beautiful and may help professors remember me better. The trio got together at my house again today to rehearse and record. I’m not sure if there is one run through that is perfect, but they sounded much better than the first two times. We definitely had some breakthroughs which is great.

I went to Egg Harbor Cafe with Mellow E this morning for breakfast. We had a good time. I definitely think that by the end of the meal, he opened up to me more. He’s one of those people who warm up slower even though the nature of our friendship isn’t that distant. I wish I had more time to just talk with him like we did on the way home. Too bad it was almost 11 and I had plans with Volleyball K.

Speaking of which, I had a conversation with Mom last night that was confusing. She talked to Dad and they said that they don’t think right now is a good time to make a decision regarding our relationship to each other. I agree with them for the most part. But then they said that we could stay friends and continue getting to know each other. I feel like by continuing to get to know each other like we’ve been doing all along, we’re already moving into a dating relationship. The only thing they really said was that they want me to keep physical boundaries with him which is common sense. I just feel like while they say we shouldn’t date right now, they’re allowing us to pseudo-date. The plan is for us to see how the first year of college is apart from each other (hypothetically) and then make a decision the summer after freshman year if this situation still exists.

BAH. I went to see “The Blind Side” with him today. It was a good movie. Funny and endearing at the same time. Before then, we planned on going to Chili’s and having lunch, but neither of us were really hungry so we just went to Borders. I guess I was still processing what exactly Mom and Dad told me so I didn’t bring the subject up to him. I also didn’t think it was fair to spring it on him without preparing him for the topic.

At any rate, they said he was welcome to come over and spend time with the family. And I plan to take advantage of all their allowances. I feel like this might be the best way to honor my parents and to stay true to what I think I should pursue.

I just need another perspective to help me process the whole thing.

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